In this guest blog I am sharing the wisdom of Grief Recovery Specialist, Allison James, from The Grief Recovery Institute. I hope you find this blog helpful.
Do commercials for Mother’s Day flowers or greeting cards put a knot in your stomach?
Do Mother’s Day posts on social media make you think, “What’s so happy about it?”
Do you wish you could ignore the whole week leading up to the holiday?
Although many people view Mother’s Day as a reason to celebrate, it can bring up sad or painful feelings for others.
Many people have issues with their moms, but no matter the reason, no matter if the loss happened recently or many years ago, there is nothing wrong with you. If the idea of Mother’s Day upsets you, please know your feelings are normal and natural.
Death isn’t the only reason people grieve
Death isn’t the only reason you might be grieving around Mother’s Day, though it certainly is a reason for many people.
- Maybe your mom was abusive or less than loving.
- Maybe she didn’t mother in the way you needed or she did something that upset you later in life.
- Maybe you simply wish things in your relationship were different, better, or more in some way.
Even though your emotions are normal this may be a good time to ask yourself,
“What would life be like if I wasn’t carrying this around with me?”
Is something you can even imagine or have you been hurt for so long it’s just a way of life?
Unresolved grief can have a long term negative impact on your life. Grief is cumulative and cumulatively negative. The more you try to ignore your grief, or push it under the rug, the more it will affect your life. Grief not only affects current and future personal relationships, but it can also impact your work, health, and even things you used to enjoy doing. The intensity of your feelings may lessen over time, but grief doesn’t heal on its own.
Here are some signs you might be grieving:
- Do you refuse to talk about your mother or do you only talk about her negative qualities?
- Are you preoccupied with anger, sad or painful memories about her?
- Do you avoid places that remind you of her?
- Do you put her on a pedestal?
- Do you avoid places or events that remind you of her?
- Do you cringe when you see she’s calling or avoid seeing her altogether?
If you said yes to any of these questions, there’s a big chance you have unresolved grief.
The good news is that there’s a solution!
If you are like most people, you simply have never learned how to get complete and recovery from a broken heart. And although there are a lot of things we have been taught to change our feelings short term, and there are plenty of articles telling you what those things are, you must be willing to do the work if you truly want to recover from a loss.
That starts with being honest you want something more for yourself; that you want freedom from pain, sadness, resentment, or whatever you are feeling.
Try talking to someone you trust. Tell the truth about yourself. Ask them not to judge, criticize, or analyze (then don’t judge, criticize, or analyze yourself either).
If you are already familiar with The Grief Recovery Method then remember that it is an ongoing process. Life continues to change every single day, so new things may come up. If that’s the case for you in regard to your relationship with your mom, then please consider diving back in. You already know the freedom you will get!
Is the work worth it?
Well, imagine not feeling pain, anger, or sadness every single time you think about your mom. Wouldn’t that be freeing? You don’t have to live that way.
Looking for support?
Canadian Grief Recovery Method Specialist, Tammy Adams loves to problem solve, inspire and motivate others who are ready and committed to change. Tammy has spent over 30 years in the field of education and as a Certified Life and Executive Coach Tammy teaches individuals to challenge and conquer their limiting beliefs and insecurities to create the life of their choosing. As a Grief Recovery Method Specialist Tammy understands that unresolved grief can limit an individual’s capacity for happiness and is gifted at supporting individuals through the pain and isolation cause by an emotional loss, of any kind, to a place of happiness they believed no longer existed. Tammy’s clients say, “Tammy helped me unpack the baggage and put a smile on my face in the process. It’s a rare quality for someone to fully listen without judgement but yet still steer you in the right direction.”