In this guest blog I am sharing the wisdom of Grief Recovery Specialist, Russell Friedman, from The Grief Recovery Institute. I hope you find this blog helpful.
Most trades people have tool kits to accomplish their tasks.
Hammers, saws, screwdrivers, and the like for construction; wrenches, pliers, and vise grips for plumbing; duct tape for everything else. Not wanting to be different, we in Grief Recovery also have a tool kit for our trade; tools for dealing with loss and grief. We usually carry them wherever we go. We are also fortunate that most homes and businesses usually have one element of our tool kits on their premises, just in case we forget ours or run out. No, we don’t hammer the emotional truth out of people. No, we don’t try to wrench them back into the flow of life. And no, we don’t carry duct tape to try to patch people back together. One of the major tools in our kit is a box of tissues. Yes, facial tissues, generic or brand name. You see, when we help people, sometimes their faces leak. Grief usually produces some pretty strong emotions which are often accompanied by tears. We carry the tissues to help mop up.
Grieving people often try to hide their feelings.
Why? Good question. The answer isn’t simple. In part it’s because our society has inadvertently carried forward an idea that suggests that we are only allowed to have sad or painful feelings for a short time following a loss. Even then, that allowance is usually reserved for deaths or divorces, and doesn’t include the 40 other losses that produce painful emotions. The net result is that an awful lot of folks are walking around with the emotional equivalent of an arrow in their hearts. They are hemorrhaging emotions, often demonstrated by those tears we see all the time. That’s why we need the tissues in our tool kit. But those people are sometimes afraid to let others see the arrows or their tears. They are afraid they will be judged as not being strong or breaking down. If only we could all see those invisible arrows, we might be more compassionate to those whose hearts are heavy.
After all, it’s almost impossible to get past the age of five and not have had some losses. Some losses are major with the death of a family member or friend, or a divorce within the child’s immediate or extended family. Other losses may seem minor, but will still affect the child. Children are smart. They cry when they are sad. They sometimes even forget to use tissues, when a sleeve or the back of their hand can wipe away their tears. As adults we are equally subjected to the pain of loss, but we aren’t always as open and forthcoming with our emotions and tears as we were when we were young. But we still get arrows stuck in our hearts and need tools to help remove them. Fortunately, tissues are not the only tools in our kit. We also employ some pretty powerful action tools to lead people to recovery from the pain caused by major losses.
The principles and recovery actions of the Grief Recovery Method are in the emotional tool belt we carry with us at all times. They are also in our books, The Grief Recovery Handbook and When Children Grieve. Since you probably already have tissues in your home, you only need our grief books to complete your emotional tool kit.
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Canadian Advanced Grief Recovery Method Specialist, Tammy Adams, loves to problem solve, inspire and motivate others who are ready and committed to change. Tammy has spent over 30 years in the field of education and as a Certified Life and Executive Coach Tammy teaches individuals to challenge and conquer their limiting beliefs and insecurities to create the life of their choosing. As a Grief Recovery Method Specialist Tammy understands that unresolved grief can limit an individual’s capacity for happiness and is gifted at supporting individuals through the pain and isolation cause by an emotional loss, of any kind, to a place of happiness they believed no longer existed. A Tammy client testimonial, “Tammy helped me unpack the baggage and put a smile on my face in the process. It’s a rare quality for someone to fully listen without judgement yet still steer you in the right direction.”
To learn more about Intuitive Understanding please visit www.tadams.ca or contact Tammy by email at tdadams@rogers.com